Noticing the holes in my yard

A couple years ago I accidentally got into gardening. I say accidentally because when my family and I drew up residence in our home, I had 73 holes dug around the parameter of the property to fill with trees and bushes. When the holes were created I filled them with 73 trees and shrubs.

It’s like Papatuānuku called me to tend her. I didn’t actually set out to though. More like I fell in love with each tree and shrub I planted and watched them grow. I’d weed around them, especially when they were small because I wanted my hard work to thrive. I’d get special mulch to place on top of their roots because apart from aesthetics, the mulch keeps the moisture in the soil, and helps to fertlise.

At spring I become excited as I watch blossoms blossom, and shrubs and trees flower, especially when they haven’t before. For instance, I planted a “Pink Lipstick Wisteria” in the back, in eye view of my office that I knew I’d adore looking at as I typed on my research. This year, she’s bloomed her lipstick petals - so delicate, pretty.

And at spring I also do my ‘inventory’ and sadly tally the plants that haven’t made it. There are generally some pretty sure reasons for this, including me planting too late in the season, or the soil. I feel disappointed and disheartened for my poor plants. I literally feel pain to see them not make it because I have become so attached to each and every one of my babies outside. So much so, that once I realised I was focusing more on the plants, the holes in my yard, instead of all the plants that are thriving. The birds that now use my tiny trees as part of their journeys to the forest in the hills. The giant bumble bees that swarm and buzz buzz their tiny bee bottoms from plant to plant, spreading the pollen. The wild honey bees that swarm my herb flowers in the raised bed outside my patio. My animals lying in the shade of the hydrandea bushes attracting the bees. I missed all of this as I focused on 9 tiny holes in my yard where the absence of plants are.

And I realised I’ve done the same with my friends. I’ve had a couple friends who have been actually pretty rubbish on the friendship level in so many ways. I had been longing for these friendships and feeling sad, naturally, but not realising that focusing on these absences too were taking me away from celebrating all the loyal friendships I have. Not to mention the close connections and friendships I have within my immediate and external family.

So, a bit of a life lesson this gardening has provided me with. And so much tenderness, love, beauty, gentleness and kindness.