Acceptance - What's she on about?

Sometimes we get to the end of a very long cycle, and it feels like we might not be going anywhere.

Yet, it might be that we’re actually at a door, and it’s time to step through. Maybe the room we’re in, it’s not where we need to be anymore.

I remember in my early 20s, the first time I went for some real trauma processing, that the end of that journey of counselling, it felt very different from what I imagined I might feel like.

It was because it was different.

The beginning of therapy I had these thoughts, perfect ones, of what I’d look like, what I’d be doing, what I’d feel like.

And near the end of that journey (I’ve subsequently been back for different things, because healing is a journey), I realised that it was different because I was different.

I still wasn’t perfect (thank goodness).

I was me. Perfectly imperfect as some people say.

And that was the door.

For me it was learning to accept myself as myself, still human.

I think the perfectionist thoughts, beliefs - well that got me through the tough times in a rocky sort of way. They did help, at the time. But they served their purpose.

And those layers had to shed (and continue to) because they weren’t possible.

The perfectionist dreams, they helped me reach beyond what my current reality was, which really really sucked at the time. So, they had a place.

What I found though was I actually felt better than what I thought I’d feel like at the beginning of therapy.

I was more integrated.

Your journey will be unique to you. I’m not saying this is how it is for everyone. It’s just about considering other perspectives, and see how they fit for you. Reflections are key, right?

And, I do want to add, that society often pushes us into roles of perfectionism, so some of that acceptance is identifying these perfectionistic, normative standards, resisting them, and redefining/reflecting on how you want to take on the roles you take on.

Try on new perspectives, and see if they fit for you. You might not try on all perspectives, but it’s actually quite freeing to use this psychological flexibility.

One of my most favourite counsellors used to say, “I try on a new feeling every day.”

Trying on new feelings, perspectives is like trying on a new jacket. Sometimes they feel a little stiff, sometimes comfortable, sometimes itchy. They come and go, like the weather. (You are the sky, your thoughts and feelings are the weather as they say in Acceptance Committment Therapy.)

You’re exactly where you need to be right now.

And when you feel a plateau, perhaps, it’s time to open the next door.

Chrissy x