Meet Teresa, Resilience story #4 Education, 'faith days', an established writer
In this episode, I talk with the creative, vibrant, envisioned, educated, kind, funny, storytelling Teresa…
(Listen to Teresa’s story of resilience on RSS.com or read about her story of resilience below…)
Raised by a single father in the 1970s and ‘80s, at a time when it was not common and the courts were heavily biased in favour of the mother. Her parents separated when she was a toddler, so she had very few memories of them being together. During her early childhood and teenage years, there was sometimes a lot of conflict (yelling, sometimes physical arguments) in their household. She was verbally and sometimes physically abused by adults who did not know how to manage their emotions and children in healthy ways. Through reading and her friends’ families, she learnt that there were other ways of being in families and she knew she wanted to be like them. Because her family’s situation was so unusual at the time, she was bullied in school.
Her father tried his best, but her family did not initially give her the tools to navigate conflict, positively manage stress, have healthy relationships, and other areas. She learnt these tools on her own.
Teresa’s mother remarried to an abusive man who controlled her and did not allow her to see her children, so Teresa rarely saw her through her life. “Even now,” Teresa says, “she is more like a distant aunt and I don’t think about her that much.”
It was very important for Teresa to marry someone who had a stable family and long-married parents. It had been a very good for her to experience having family trips and holidays through her husband’s family.
“Unfortunately,” Teresa says, “I know that my motherless upbringing played a heavy role in me not having children.”
She tells me how she did not feel she had the tools to be a successful parent and was too afraid of repeating any negative family cycles. She was also living in a conservative community in her 30s, and she did not feel she could ever measure up to the ‘super-mums’ where she was living. Only in her late 40s has she felt ready to be a parent. She’s very nurturing and actually think now that she’d have been a great parent.
“It would be awesome to have a child who likewise breaks out of my family’s cycles for a second generation. I wish sometimes that I was 10 years younger, knowing what I know now.”
To Teresa, resilience means having grit, or the ability to keep pushing on in the face of adversity and when there is no immediate reward in sight.
Several resilience factors that Teresa has used throughout her life include positive relationships (i.e., having a supportive father, good friends), having maternal role-models in her community, church and school (this was so awesome that Teresa identified this, and maternal role-models was a new resilience factor that I hadn’t come across to the extent of being so well-articulated, so this was pretty cool to come across from Teresa!), education, religion, writing non-fiction stories, having hobbies such as gardening and crafts, playing the piano, playing basketball when she was a teen, and running, cycling and tramping outdoors.
In terms of education, Teresa says, “I’ve always enjoyed learning and setting educational goals. In addition, I’ve always been an avid reader. “Reading helped me become curious and introduced me to other worlds. I also learnt different ways of being through reading. “Through reading, I learnt that other families had different ways of doing things and that I could learn to follow my own path.”
Additionally, with writing non-fiction, she says, “As a child, I also wrote fiction stories. Today, I write non-fiction and academic writing. Both allow me to express myself, work through issues, and learn about other people. Hobbies such as gardening and crafts also provide an outlet.”
Teresa had many positive beliefs growing up and throughout her adulthood that have helped her through tough times. Some of these beliefs include:
“You can make it.
“I deserve a good life just as much as anyone else.
“When I was a young girl, I also dubbed days when I needed to be resilient “faith days.” These are days when there is no immediate goal and reward in sight, but I could still progress toward them. The process of reaching goals is actually a progression of faith days. Each day can be a stepping stone toward a larger goal. This helped me work hard most days toward a larger purpose and goal.
“That life can be wonderful, but it can also be challenging. It is not for the faint-hearted. A person needs to be strong and resilient to be successful in life. I’ve realised that when I consider highly successful people, such as in the arts, education, and other fields, they are usually very resilient in the pursuit of their goals.”
Some of the things that Teresa has used to support herself with healing include counselling, meditating, yoga, and going on self-improvement courses and reading about this.
Everyone’s healing journeys are unique, but we can also support one another with inspirational words and suggestions that have helped us along the way. Here are some words of wisdom from Teresa:
“I always remind myself that most highly successful people that I can think of are usually very resilient and strong. Life can be challenging at times, and it is not for the faint-hearted. Looking up to different role models inspires me that I can achieve my goals, too. Having social support is also very important for resilience.”
Listen to Teresa’s story of resilience on RSS.com
*Image is not of Teresa*