Meet Rebecca, resilience story #2, "I am intelligent and capable" - Heck yes you are!

Sexual abuse in relationships is very real, and consent applies around sex and sexual relationships - all types of relationships.

Sexual abuse can occur to anyone. It can happen in all walks of life, to all types of people, across all socioeconomic status, at any age. In this, to combat sexual abuse and the effects of this, we need to remember the importance of consent.

In this podcast, I talk with Rebecca who, when she was 18, began a relationship with a man a few years older than she was. She was a virgin and largely inexperienced in any sexual activity. In this relationship, she was gradually coerced into doing more and more sexual acts, under the belief that it was normal to do things which hurt/damage you, or which you don't enjoy at all if you 'love' someone.

During the course of this relationship, sex grew into an ongoing series of disengaged, painful sexual experiences, for her partner’s benefit. It was on-demand and so hard to detect because it was hidden inside a 'happy, loving' relationship.

Rebecca suffered deliberate "punishment" if she did not perform as her partner expected. The punishment was not physical punishment, but emotional/mental. Emotional and mental punishment can make it that much more difficult to detect because it’s largely invisible. It doesn’t leave bruises on one’s body. However, one can feel when emotional and mental abuse is hurled. However, the ‘mindfuck’ around sexual abuse is that sex may feel good physically, and the perpetrators may be from those whom we love or have feelings for. This is the mindfuck that I mention in the podcast because it plays with one’s mind, and it can be so hard to detect. Many people can also often blame themselves for not ‘seeing’ these acts of violence. However, we must remember that this is part of the mindfuck. Sexual abuse often occurs through manipulation and deception. Sexual abuse often lurks in the shadows. These are important concepts to remember and to remember that consent to coercion does not equal consent to sex. However, hidden under the illusion of love and combined with real loving acts, of course, it can be difficult to detect sexual abuse. That’s why I’ve heard the term mindfuck, and truly believe this is one of the best ways to describe what occurs within the mind when a perpetrator plays with one’s mind. There is a massive BUT here though, which I will elaborate on further below…

With Rebecca, it was so hard to detect. Of course, it was. She wanted to trust this person. Outside of the relationship was good, so she figured it must all be okay until it became too much and she broke up with him (which she then experienced a lot of backlash for from friends and family, since she did not tell anyone the true reason). Nobody except her counsellor knows the extent of what happened. Physical damage internally from certain traumatic sex acts has still not healed fully, more than 10 years on, her doctor is helping with this.

The BUT in this is that Rebecca, as you can hear in this podcast, and as you can read below was and still is incredibly RESILIENT.

She defined resilience as a constant in one’s life. A glowing ball of light in your center, which you can never extinguish. I truly love this example. She said there was something inside us all which is completely untouched, unscathed, constant. This is truly beautiful.

The thoughts and beliefs she held she learnt from her family, her mum, and the people her mum surrounded Rebecca and her family with. You see, Rebecca (you warrioress, you truly are Rebecca) lost her dad when she was really young. Her mum became a widow when Rebecca was a baby. It was a truly sad event. Yet, Rebecca’s mum, with her constant glowing ball of light in her center, continued to walk the walk of life. She raised Rebecca and her sibling by surrounding them with more powerful women in their home. This was out of necessity as well, but the creative power of Rebecca’s mum to raise her children in a village, within a community, in my mind is a HUGE form of resilience. And look what it did for Rebecca.

Rebecca talks about how through these women who her mum surrounded them with during Rebecca’s childhood, that Rebecca learnt some massively powerful beliefs about herself: “I am intelligent and capable” (Heck yes, Rebecca, yes you are), “If others can, I can” (Absolutely, one step at a time, and keep going Rebecca, that’s how we walk a thousand miles), and “My family’s love is unconditional” (Oh Rebecca, if you know this and you have this around you, there is nothing which can stand in your way, and nothing with which you cannot overcome).

We also talk about what type of resilient factors she’s used to support her. Some of these include education such as learning about sexual abuse and the forms of this in relationships. Creativity, she engaged in dance and the sensuality of Latin Ballroom Dancing became a source of resilience and empowerment over HER body. She had some true pivotal moments. One was her beautiful ability to make unwavering decisions where she had no hesitation, she knew exactly what she wanted. That is a sign of a massive ability to experience and know one’s intuition. Oh Rebecca, as you know our mind is often steps behind our heart and our Gut. Sports, she’s found team sports, netball, a real source of empowerment and she’s also observed myths surrounding the female body, such as being weak (heck no she says in not so many words as she outlines how her team mates show the strength of the female body when she can still play sports and carry a child!).

It was an absolute honour to talk with Rebecca. I am so proud of our human nature and the way she continued to pursue her light. How her mum continued to pursue her own light. That great ‘glowing ball of light in your center, that can never be extinguished’. Chills.

Lots of love to you,

Chrissy

Listen to Rebecca’s story of resilience on RSS.com

*Image is not of Rebecca*